With the onslaught of dating sites and the prevalence of dating events in modern society, dating has become a sport, for some even a profession. OK wait, I’m talking G-rated dates, not people who get paid for their companionship, aka escorts. They may have their own set of do’s and don’ts, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. Moving on…I have been on MANY first dates, most of which lost their chance at a second date because of the guy’s behavior. Thus, I decided to compile of list of the primary do’s and don’ts for a first date.
Let’s start with the DON’TS for the FIRST DATE
Don’t meet up with friends or go to a party. OK, I know there’s a dating app out there called Grouper that goes totally against this theory, where people feel more comfortable in a group setting. All I can say to that is GROW UP! At some point you’re going to have to be alone with this person, you can’t ride your friend’s witty and charming coattails forever. Save some time and show the real you on date one. Do I want to date you or your friends? Hmmm?
Don’t treat it like an interview. Chances are you’ve done some recon before the actual date. You’ve read their dating profile, googled their name, checked them out on Facebook, asked your friends. Whatever your method, there’s no such thing as a “blind” date anymore. You already know a little about them. So just launch into conversation about things you have in common. No need to get the name and size of their hometown, how many siblings, favorite types of food, music, or ask about their life’s goals. All of these things will come out organically in conversation. Who cares if they like Thai and you’re allergic to peanuts?! Is that a deal breaker? What matters most is the chemistry and the energy between you two. Don’t play 20 questions. There’s really nothing worse.
Don’t elaborate about your ex. You’ve heard it over and over – don’t talk about your ex. I disagree with that as a general rule. It’s ok to share generic information, such as “we dated for 8 years and we broke up because he’s a drug addict”. But don’t go on and on about details of the relationship. All this shows is your faults and weaknesses. Sure, this guy might have been a jerk, but you let him treat you poorly for 8 years, you’re as much to blame. It’s called codependency. Live in the NOW!
Don’t get wasted. Have you ever been around a drunk person when you’re sober? They’re annoying! Even if you’re not an irritating drunk, you’re still saying to this person “I can’t go one day without drinking to excess” and/or “I don’t care about you or if you like me, I just want to get laid”. Both of those things may be true and you freely admit them. If so, good for you. Just don’t expect a second date.
Moving on to the DO’S for the FIRST DATE
Do be yourself – with a filter. This is the number one most important DO. You may say that being yourself includes “talking in depth about my ex and getting wasted with all of my friends around me”. What I say to that is – save it for a later date. We’re talking first date here. Show the real you – don’t put on any airs or adopt a fake accent. Just make sure it’s you with some editing. Don’t talk about your favorite fetish or your secret desire to lick frogs. Baby steps.
Do let the other person talk. I know you want to impress me and show me all you have to offer. But listing all of your accomplishments and attributes is just freakin’ annoying! I’m not impressed! Nor do I want you to be in awe of me. I want to have good conversation and feel positive vibes and have a few laughs. The floor should be shared equally, back and forth. Get off of your soapbox, high horse and pedestal. If you have to tell me how cool you are, then you’re really not that cool.
Do keep it to just a kiss. Some may say that a kiss on the first date is a no-no. I’m a believer in – if there’s chemistry, how could you not?! You know you both want it, go for it. But let’s just keep the tongues and hands to ourselves, shall we? No need to go overboard. Once these other elements enter the picture, then it becomes pheromone city and who cares about getting to know each other’s minds anymore? Question: do you want to get asked out for a second date to go to second base or do you want this to be the beginning of a beautiful relationship? There you go.
Do be considerate. If you did the asking and the planning then be appropriate. If it’s between 6 – 8 pm and you’re in a place that serves food, offer to order some. You should also do the paying. If you’re cheap or don’t want to spend that much time together, then you should have planned for a quiet bar or coffee place, or even a park bench. No one says you have to spend money on your date, but if it was your idea, then you need to follow through.
So there you have it. Now you know how to behave on a first date. If you need more assistance, maybe watch 50 First Dates or even Groundhog Day. It just goes to show, practice makes perfect. You can do it. Make me proud!
About the Author: Nanci is a resident Wingwoman here at Profile Wingman, where we help people write their online dating profiles. Our #1 goal always is honesty. Watch our video, learn more about us, check out our services, and come back often for interesting blog posts. You can also follow us on Twitter and Facebook.