Sometimes I think Geographically Undesirable should be my online dating screen name, as I hear a lot of “you’re great, but…so far away!” The question is, how far is too far, and why? We all have this preconceived limit on the distance we are willing to travel for love, whether physical or virtual. The problem is, attraction often wins that argument…until it doesn’t. How many relationships fail simply because one person is geographically undesirable?
How far is too far?
That is the question. Sometimes you think distance isn’t a problem, until you get into it and you realize, ugh, this isn’t worth it. I once dated a guy who lived 20 minutes away, and that was a wear out for me. #thisiswhyimsingle But think about it, if we’re going to Netflix and chill, I’d like to have a glass of wine (or four). Or if I didn’t mean to fall asleep on his couch, I don’t want to drive 20 minutes to get home at 3 am! A stumbling distance boyfriend is preferable, for sure. But the hopeless romantic in me wants to thing that a cross country love affair is my destiny.
Location, location, location
I met a girl recently who broke up with a guy she had been dating for 2 years. A guy she thought she would marry, they shared a life, they were in love. But because he lived 40 minutes away, she broke it off. In the end, when push came to shove, she didn’t want to live in his small town, and he didn’t want to move to her big city – game over.
Geographically Undesirable? Who me? Yes you! Couldn’t be. Then who?!
If you have to cross a body of water, or a state line, or use your passport to see a potential mate, things become more challenging. The expense, time off of work, and entering into unchartered territory – all potential deal breakers in and of themselves. Add in the stress of extended periods of separation, communication and sex, and you’ve got two very cranky people. Relationships are hard enough, why contribute to this strife? Anyone who represents all of these dating woes gains the dreaded label of Geographically Undesirable.
What if you live next door but you have vastly differing political signs in your yards? Or if one loves Christmas and the other is a Jehovah’s Witness? Worldviews, ideals and morals can all create a distance as well. There is a great divide in current society – differing opinions are widely held and verbalized without restraint. It seems that one needs to make two lists – one for how far you’re willing to travel, and another for which social issues an non negotiable. The question is – can love create an alternate route, one with rainbows and unicorns?
Bridging the Gap
Like any successful venture, you need to set off being well prepared for what lies ahead. With love, the only difference is the preparation occurs within your mind and heart. Establish a goal, know your deal breakers and stick to them. If you only want to date in your city, and Miss Universe sends you a message from 500 miles away, see if she’s open to moving, and if not, stay strong and slowly back away. Only talk to people who have no roadblocks to your future. Smooth sailing is what we all seek in life, so set yourself up for success. Avoid at all costs the dreaded label of being geographically undesirable. I’ll work at heeding my own advise.