Everyone approaches online dating with a different eye, a different experience, a certain level of precaution and certainly varying levels of expectations. Most of this is related to how long you have been on the online dating circuit and your experiences thus far. Basically, how jaded you’ve become.
Have heart will travel
Then there are those of us who are hopeless romantics, who post our online dating profiles believing that love can be found anywhere at any time in the most obscure corners of this earth. We maintain that when the time is right and the stars have aligned and when you least expect it – there he will be with a big smile and arm outstretched ready to take your hand.
And you think – yes! I’ll take your hand, let’s walk down this path lined with my favorite flower and the birds will be singing my favorite song and you just look and feel and smell and sound so perfect. But wait.
I created YOU in my profile
Told you everything I liked, everything that made me happy. I even told you what you would be like. That part was easy. I’ve been over the list a million times. Your personality, demeanor, code of conduct, the way you speak, write, carry yourself, interact with others. Your favorite music, authors, movies, food, travel destinations, dreams, desires, goals – all of it, I had it all figured out. This is the man for me. I’ll know you the instant we have our first encounter.
You knew exactly how to act and what to give me so I would fall head over heels. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Why wouldn’t I? I mean, he has to exist, the perfect for me man of my dreams, so it might as well be you. These shoes fit, approximately.
I see you through my list-tinted glasses – I see everything in you that matches the items on my list. The things that don’t match, well, that’s OK, because of course, no one is perfect or even a perfect fit for that matter. So we just won’t look at those non-list things and revel in the fact that it’s so wonderful and glorious and magical that you are here and I have so many checkmarks on my list! How can it be?! Is it really my time? Have the stars really aligned? Suddenly the sun is shining every day, all my dreams seem to be unraveling before me.
There’s no pot of gold
Alas, with every sunny day there comes a cloud, even a rain drop. And there it is. You come to realize that the rainbow is actually just an optical illusion. You wanted so badly to believe in the romance and were convinced that this was your destiny. Not so much.
So there you go, back to the drawing board, back to the list. Back to the online dating world as well? Maybe first amend the list to include reality. Maybe learn the art of pause and consider. And maybe realize that no list is ever complete.