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Online Dating Horror Stories

aaagh  What’s the best way to increase the number of online dating horror stories?  Match.com knows!  They did some sort of fancy schmancy research and discovered that the biggest day of the year to sign up for online dating is January 5th – at 8:57 pm no less. Which time zone is this?  I think it might be Mountain and the person who did the study is freakin’ high!  Pretty magical how they came up with this stat.  I’m also of the mind that they are teaming up with Hallmark to make this a national holiday.   Sneaky bastards.

What that means to us at Profile Wingman is more people will need our help writing their profiles.  We’re here for you if/when you need us!

The juicy part

is that as the number of online daters increases, so will the online dating horror stories.  We all know it – yes there is love out there to be found.  But like life, there are many crazies mixed in.   It’s really part of the fun.  Personally, I sign up for OK Cupid when I’m getting bored with life – adds some excitement.  It’s like playing the “drink every time you see balls on Chatroulette” game.  Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.  There is no shortage of guys dying to sext you a pic of their “manhood” on the free dating sites.

The irritating part

is in addition to the people whose online goal is hooking up, there are also those who delight in airing their insecurities and frustrations via email.  Say one negative thing to them and you’d think I ran over their dog.  Geez, lighten up maniac!


The best part

is the hot mess you encounter when the face-to-face date finally happens.  It’s the best because of the wonderful stories which this provides.  Their profile seemed OK, email exchanges were normal, they even had a decent voice on the phone.  Then you walk into the restaurant and you hear the music from Psycho echoing in your head.

The Online Dating Horror Story

There’s a whole myriad of directions this train can wreck.  Live person does not match the profile photo in the slightest.  They do a bunch of shots, get completely wasted and try to shove their tongue down your throat.  Or better yet, they vomit on your shoes.  They might even ask you for a ride home because their car has a boot on it.  Oh, and home happens to be Mom’s house.

Shocked Woman In Kitchen Using Laptop with Grumpy Customer Support Man On Screen. Screen can be easily used for your own message or picture. Picture on screen is my copyright as well.

There’s even blogs out there about this very subject.  Your dating debacle is our daily entertainment.  What’s so great about these dating horror stories is really, you can’t make this shit up!

My Story

So many online dating horror stories – so little time.  Wherever do I begin?  One of my favorites has to be a guy who was chosen for me through a matchmaking service.  Let me tell you right now that unless you’re in a big metropolitan city where the matchmaking pool is swimming with interesting and varied fish, this is the biggest waste of time and money I could imagine.  But I digress.

From the second I sat down  until I was mercifully told the date was over, the guy did not let me have a word in edgewise.  Well, not unless I was asking him a question about him.  It was the Douchebag show, without a doubt.  The only time he noticed me was when he recognized that I have two different colored eyes.  Most people find this to be a unique and attractive quality on me – he asked if I ever considered getting one colored contact so I would even out the colors.  He also went on and on telling me how very metrosexual he was.  He even went as far as to point out that the watch he was wearing didn’t actually tell time, but it matched his shoes!  I was not impressed, but apparently the waiter was, who was hitting on him the whole time.

Once he was finished telling me all about his ex wife and the orgies she would host without him and how he still sends her money, he attempted to include me in the conversation by asking what I received in my divorce settlement.  He even brought out some pictures of his ex to show me how pretty she was.  The waiter did the first nice thing of the night for me and brought the check.  I offered to pay for my half, and Mr. Dipshit said to me “Well…you’ve been pretty entertaining for me tonight, so I’ll go ahead and pay for your half.”  Good times.

Your Turn – Contest!!!

We thought we’d have some fun, at your expense (with the most loving intentions of course!).  Let us hear your online dating horror stories!  You know you’ve got them and you’re dying to share!  Tell all your friends to share theirs and vote for yours!  The story that receives the most votes by Valentine’s Day will win a grand prize – the Profile Wingman Concierge Service!

Allow us to turn your frowns upside down.  Bad dates are funny – after the fact!  Whose is the worst, and in turn the funniest?  You be the judge!


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